The “C” Word

July 27, 2019 was a Saturday like any other Saturday.

Friday, the day before, my girlfriend Rita came over and spent the night. We had a “girls night out” that turned into a day out really. We attended the American Legion down the road for their “Bike Day” where we enjoyed the music, the drinks and the company. We came back to the house early in the evening and finished our girls night on the back patio where we didn’t have to drive and could have uncensored girl talk. We went to bed sometime in the early morning hours, saying our goodbyes ahead of time because she had a previous engagement in the morning and would be gone before I woke up.

I didn’t know at the time that my journey was about to take a major lane shift. I didn’t realize that life as I knew it was going to change, throw me into a tailspin that would feel like an emotional roller coaster that I could not get off of.

Sunday morning I woke up as I expected. Late in the morning with a tad bit of a woozy headache. Knowing I had nothing to do this day, I welcomed my predicted condition and lazily snuggled on the couch with the t.v clicker in hand. It wasn’t long before what I thought was a nauseous tummy turned into a burning fire in my chest like I’ve never felt before.

Over the next hour or so, My jumbled up thoughts kinda went like this:

shit, this hurts. I think it’s going away. What did I drink? I didn’t have juice. What did I eat? Maybe its heartburn. No I don’t think it is. Dam, I never felt this kind of pain before. wonder what it is? Is it just my imagination or does it hurt as bad as I think it does? I am not going to the emergency room. I hate making a big deal. Maybe I should go back to sleep & it’ll be gone when I wake up again.

Ultimately, I chose to go back to bed and take a nap. I slept and woke up 2 hours later with the same pain in the same way in the same place. I argued with myself some more until I convinced myself that a trip to the ER to at least rule out a heart attack might be a good idea. My exact words to myself were “It sure would suck to die of a heart attack today, better suck it up and get an EKG or something”. So I did.

I didn’t want to make a big deal, I didn’t tell any one I was going, I just drove over to clear up my uncertainty. Yes, my pulse and blood pressure were alarmingly high but not until my ER room was full of people scurrying around me like I was in a life or death situation did I realize that just maybe there really is something wrong with my heart. After many tests, scans, hours, and I’m sure thousands of dollars later, It was determined that there was absolutely nothing wrong with any of my vital organs. I was given medication to lower my BP and sent home with directions to continue to check my BP regularly & to follow up immediately with a cardiologist and my primary care Dr.

I left the ER feeling ridiculous for going in in the first place. At least I didn’t have a heart attack and my mind was at ease with knowing they were very thorough and my vital organs are all good. Yes, the pain was still there, not as sharp, not as bad but there nonetheless.

At this point, I did not have a primary care doctor set up so I made an appointment at the suggestion of one of the ER nurses. On August 8, 2019 I grudgingly made it to my follow up appointment. (Now, you will eventually learn thru this blog of mine that I am not a fan of the medical community and with due reason but that is for a later time.) I met with Dr. Abby. We chatted about my ER visit, about my medical history, and even about the beautiful day outside. I liked her. I could feel a sense of relief inside myself as I realized maybe I could have a good re’pore with a doctor again. Just as I began to assume our appointment was coming to a close, Dr Abby asked me if the doctor in the Emergency room told me that I have a nodule on my thyroid?” Not giving it much thought I replied “No” to her question. She proceeded to inform me that when she reviewed my ER scans, she observed that my thyroid could be seen also and there is a nodule on it. She continued with recommending that she order a sonogram to see in more detail what was going on in there. I haphazardly shrugged my shoulders and agreed. She printed out my lab work and the sonogram orders and I left her office feeling hopeful.

Hopeful because: I finally found a primary care doctor who actually pays attention to detail, treats me like a person rather than a number or a price tag, and seems genuinely honest and sincere. Qualities that make a person feel respected. After all, isn’t that what we all want out of a relationship???

Thanks for listening….. I keep thinking I’m tired of talking and want to take a break but I haven’t said a word. So, let me rephrase that…..

Thanks for reading……..

And there you have it folks… Keep coming back to see what happens next… It gets better…. wait… or worse…. Heck, I don’t know….. I’ve been in this particular tailspin for 4 months now…. might be a good idea to just be factual and leave my emotions out of it at this point…. at least for now.